First Time Feelings Come Lately

2012-11-14 04_12_18


I noticed the date I had just painted in white acrylic on the back of a guitar I had found in the dumpster.  It really stood out for me seeing, 12/23/2013, for a whole host of reasons.  But mainly because for the very first time, I am signing and dating my most favorite piece of art, to give to my dream of a chance at the love of my life.  I really like the guitar because I removed the broken strings and nailed down the broken face to the body and painted a very modern abstraction in beautiful bright colors all over including the neck.  Everyone that sees the guitar wants it!  It really is quite beautiful and I think the perfect first gift for my first real chance at love.

I have been thinking how days turn into weeks and weeks turn into months and months turn into years and just how long I have been hoping I would find someone for me.  You know the old saying, “There’s someone for everyone”, and I even tell my younger family members who are alone on prom night or sitting and watching TV during homecoming, “There’s someone out there for you”.  They never figured out I am alone, grey and most likely past the years in which you can hope for that special “Someone”.  It saddens me to think most all the people my age or any age that would have us, notice I said would have “us”, are married or like the late Richard Pryor said, “She was gorgeous and sexy and she liked me.  I knew if she liked me something had to be wrong with her!”.

I attribute the bare shelves to loosing more than 100 friends to AIDS.  I know people may think I am exaggerating but I am not.  I lost over 100 friends to the horrible illness.  My best friend included.  I remember how happy I was the day Steve finally died.  People look at me weird when I say, “happy”, but they do not understand the terror of someone suffering years till death.  I will never get over it!  I walk at night and I think a lot about how different my life would have been if it were not for AIDS.  I am certain I would have more friends and who knows maybe I would have had someone who is no longer.  I have also thought about how careful I was not to contract or be infected by the disease only to have an older age alone. When I start thinking like that I try to do something productive.  Now back to the real change of events in my life and why this is a special Holiday Season.

After more than 25 years of looking and waiting and then giving up and just accepting a life alone, I walked into my local grocery store and there he was!  “Oh my God”, I think to myself that’s him.  I know that is him.  There is the most beautiful blonde in the entire world and I know he is watching me but not looking at me.  I realize I am in his field of vision and he is looking beside me but I sense he is watching my every move.  Could this be possible?  I pinch myself to be sure I’m not dreaming.  I decide not to get excited and over react.  I have heard of people seeing someone for the very first time and saying, “I am going to marry that person” and then do.  To be honest,  I am going to marry that person and I know this is my “someone”.   Well, marry in 15 states!

Now it has been 3 months and many trips to the grocery.  I took him my most favorite art piece I ever created.  I had gone ahead of time and asked him to come outside exactly at 3PM on the dot.  Of course, I accidentally pulled the little arm on my watch out and it stopped but did indeed get there after all and gave the guitar.  I wrote in white acrylic on the back, “To thine own self be true”,  signed and dated it and to the side put the initials FF… friends forever.  I feel just giddy these days.  I could not feel better about the future.  Best of all, for those family members I’ve told, “There is someone for you”,  I am now proof never give up!  It’s never over till it’s over! Great beginnings can come late and even a man like me can live happily every after… Keep your fingers crossed!



One thought on “First Time Feelings Come Lately

  1. Pingback: First Time Feelings Come Lately | claudytheartist

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